It is entirely too easy to retreat to a place of safety at the slightest hint of rejection. One thing I've noticed about myself is my tendency to give up-not just on goals or ideas that I have but on people. I will admit, my expectations are extremely too high for other people. If you know me and you are reading this, please forgive me for revealing these ridiculous expectations and I pray that you won't feel pressure about having to fulfill them (because probably only God can!)
My expectations are for people to: notice me; respond when I say something; listen when I talk; try to at least pretend to care about what I say; consider ideas that I reveal and not necessarily use them, but at least tell me an opinion; call me/text me back in a reasonable time frame; and to be completely frank...READ MY MIND. I hope you know that I do realize that these expectations are totally self-centered and egotistical. But it helps to see these in writing so that when a situation arises and I am taking things to an extreme (as I sometimes do), I can see how ridiculous my expectations truly are.
I believe that most people, whether they care to admit it or not, have some fairly high expectations in their relationships. And when they are not fulfilled, a wall as high as the Empire State Building goes up not only for one person but EVERYONE in their lives. Unfortunately, this leads most people to experience ONLY superficial relationships. This is a lonely, self-defeated life.
A calling and a challenge: Can we fight? Can we assume goodwill? Can we give each other the benefit of the doubt? Can we be transparent and have the courage to share our feelings with our fellow man? Can we forgive? Can we allow others to share their disappointments in us? Can we reach out to someone who has offended us? Can we recover? Can we continue to put ourselves out there? Can we withstand rejection, knowing that we are ALWAYS accepted by Christ? Can we give ourselves and allow God to completely restore us? Can we fight the tendency to hate and love instead? Can we do what it says in Romans 12:2 and transform ourselves by the renewing of our minds-think and speak positively? Can we think and act in ways that are not simple but that require effort?
Lord, let me live a life worthy of the gospel of Christ.
Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. Then, whether I come and see you again or only hear about you, I will know that your are standing together with one spirit and one purpose, fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News. Philippians 1:27
However, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained. Philippians 3:16
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Psalm 62 Prayer
My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him. He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved. With God rests my salvation and my glory; He is my Rock of unyielding strength and impenetrable hardness, and my refuge is in God! Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! Men of low degree [in the social scale] are emptiness (futility, a breath) and men of high degree [in the same scale] are a lie and a delusion. In the balances they go up; they are together lighter than a breath. God has spoken once, twice have I heard this: that power belongs to God. Also to You, O Lord, belong mercy and loving-kindness, for You render to every man according to his work. (Psalm 62:5-9, 11, 12 AMP)
Listen to me, self. Wait and hear what God says about you and the matter at hand. Ask Him and wait for His answer in every circumstance. Because my final say comes from the Lord. Without Him, there is no wind in my sail. He is my hope. I expect in Him only. I will not be moved and I will continue on a straight path with my head held high looking to Him who gives me strength, who is my shield, my defender. My happy ending in the arms of my Savior rests on God. Whatever glory I get to receive will be placed in me by my God who gives according to His good pleasure and according to His will.
The confidence that I have will not come from whether I can complete a task or whether I can do something perfect or even well. My confidence will not be birthed from the praises of another man. My confidence will not come from my competency at all. My confidence will come from the unyielding strength and matchless power of My great God. I will trust entirely in Him who is fully capable of anything and everything. I will trust in, rely on and lean on God. If I fall, He will catch me. If I am lost, He will show me the way. If I am lonely, he will surround me. If I am forgotten, He will always remember me. I will completely and honestly pour out my heart before Him. I can always run to Him.
Every single man on the earth, even those of authority, those seemingly powerful-every single life is but a vapor. No man can stop his own death. No man can stop aging. No man has power over God. He is highly to be praised. All power belongs to Him. He has power to change or direct any circumstance. He sees everything on earth in full and knows the outcome of every situation.
You could squash me and all of humanity like a bug, Lord. But instead you see me as a daughter and not only do you love me but you are proud of me when I succeed at something. You are proud of me even when I have a right attitude of heart. Mercy and loving-kindness belong to you. You provide to each man as you see fit. I will receive as you allow.
Thank you Lord for the truth of your word.
Listen to me, self. Wait and hear what God says about you and the matter at hand. Ask Him and wait for His answer in every circumstance. Because my final say comes from the Lord. Without Him, there is no wind in my sail. He is my hope. I expect in Him only. I will not be moved and I will continue on a straight path with my head held high looking to Him who gives me strength, who is my shield, my defender. My happy ending in the arms of my Savior rests on God. Whatever glory I get to receive will be placed in me by my God who gives according to His good pleasure and according to His will.
The confidence that I have will not come from whether I can complete a task or whether I can do something perfect or even well. My confidence will not be birthed from the praises of another man. My confidence will not come from my competency at all. My confidence will come from the unyielding strength and matchless power of My great God. I will trust entirely in Him who is fully capable of anything and everything. I will trust in, rely on and lean on God. If I fall, He will catch me. If I am lost, He will show me the way. If I am lonely, he will surround me. If I am forgotten, He will always remember me. I will completely and honestly pour out my heart before Him. I can always run to Him.
Every single man on the earth, even those of authority, those seemingly powerful-every single life is but a vapor. No man can stop his own death. No man can stop aging. No man has power over God. He is highly to be praised. All power belongs to Him. He has power to change or direct any circumstance. He sees everything on earth in full and knows the outcome of every situation.
You could squash me and all of humanity like a bug, Lord. But instead you see me as a daughter and not only do you love me but you are proud of me when I succeed at something. You are proud of me even when I have a right attitude of heart. Mercy and loving-kindness belong to you. You provide to each man as you see fit. I will receive as you allow.
Thank you Lord for the truth of your word.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Father, give me wisdom and strength to do what you ask me to do. Give me an ear to hear your voice and make me sensitive to the longings of your heart. Transform me to be more and more like you, Jesus. I do not want to take even one step more until you've said go. I don't want to voice even a single word unless you've asked me to. I do not want to take on another thing, unless it is your will. I want to rest in you, Lord. To know that your grace covers ALL my mistakes. I want to minister out of the overflow so please fill me up with more of you. There is no peace apart from you.
I wilt without your living waters. I stumble unless your mighty hand upholds me. I am lost at sea without you as an anchor for my soul. Help me see that I am safe and secure inside your arms. Help me to see myself the way that you see me. Help me to stop comparing my relationship with you and my gifts and talents and to just BE who you have called me to be. I want to not only be satisfied but delighted with who you have made me to be.
My hopes and dreams rest in your hands. You are my Lord, my Savior, my King, my Friend, my greatest Love, my Rock, my Refuge, my Help, my Protector, my Provider, my Father, my comforter, and my Creator. I love you Jesus!
I wilt without your living waters. I stumble unless your mighty hand upholds me. I am lost at sea without you as an anchor for my soul. Help me see that I am safe and secure inside your arms. Help me to see myself the way that you see me. Help me to stop comparing my relationship with you and my gifts and talents and to just BE who you have called me to be. I want to not only be satisfied but delighted with who you have made me to be.
My hopes and dreams rest in your hands. You are my Lord, my Savior, my King, my Friend, my greatest Love, my Rock, my Refuge, my Help, my Protector, my Provider, my Father, my comforter, and my Creator. I love you Jesus!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Be Still
This week Sara and I made an effort to sit quietly together in the presence of God and simply listen for Him. We prayed and asked God to be in our thoughts (which isn't a stretch since He sent His spirit to dwell in us). With just a simple note card and a pen we sat and waited. After just a few short minutes both of us had written down a few notes which pertained to the other person. Sara shared with me that she saw a picture of an ant. Ants can lift up to 20 times their own body weight. As I thought about this more and more throughout the week, I realized how pertinent this is to the season I am currently in. I certainly possess great strength because my truest strength is found in an Almighty God. The word says when I am weak, He is strong. I am also a servant, but here lies a very significant difference between myself and the ant. Although I want to work diligently for my Lord, I do not want to be a mindless drone. My sweet Lord, longs for me to enjoy a deep and loving relationship with Him. He does not want me to do grunt work with sheer will power, but He wants me live life abundantly. That means not only to enjoy my tasks (that He prepared in advance for me), but to also take time to just sit in His presence and LOVE Him. On my walk tonight, I gazed up at the blue sky and the leaves blowing in the summer breeze. The leaves stopped rustling for a brief moment and in that moment, He whispered to my heart, Be still and know that I AM GOD.
Monday, November 8, 2010
So many things to do...have to start somewhere...
I did this last pregnancy and it seemed to help me calm down...There's always so much to do leading up to the pregnancy-it's hard to keep it all straight! There are about 15 different lists hanging around my house and it's time to compile them all! These items are in no particular order, I just need to get them off my mind...
*Hang hallway pictures
DONE! Buy the remainder of Babies R Us items
DONE! Start baby book
DONE! Catch up the chores on the chore list
DONE! Finish white book research
DONE! Make sure finances are in order
DONE! Get groceries
DONE! Finish up refinancing the house
DONE! Finish cards
DONE! Get pics developed
DONE! Costco trip
DONE! Schedule Christmas
DONE! Get Menard's stuff
DONE! Bake cookies
DONE! Make ornaments
DONE! Pick up Henry's pictures from JC Penney
DONE! Get pjs from JC Penney
DONE! Christmas shopping - Carson, Bob and Bonnie, Nate
DONE! Wrap presents
DONE! Get rid of the piano
DONE! Get rid of treadmill
DONE! Clear out garage so we can park inside!
DONE! Get the baby stuff out of the attic and set up
DONE! Wash baby stuff
DONE! Pack my bag for the hospital
DONE! Pack baby's bag for the hospital
DONE! Make Christmas list - send to Bonnie
DONE! Put together Henry's Christmas list and send to Bonnie
DONE! Finalize birth plan
DONE! Paint the kitchen and dining room
DONE! Get the bassinet
DONE! Make list of things still needed for baby
DONE! Buy the remainder of Target baby items needed on registry with the 10% off coupon
DONE! Kim get a flu shot
DONE! Go through Henry's clothes and put small clothes in the attic
DONE! Take drop off to Goodwill
DONE! Drop off recycling
DONE! Put up Christmas decorations - Nov 27th & 28th
DONE! Finish decorating baby's room and clean
DONE! Get the oil changed in the Subaru
DONE! Get new windshield wipers
DONE! Get the Subaru aligned
DONE! Appraisal
DONE! Clean decorations for top of kitchen cabinets
DONE! Clean carpets
DONE! Get list of pharmacy items for baby from Mom
DONE! Get hair cut
DONE! Get Daisy food
DONE! Install dining room light
DONE! Hospital tour - Dec 1st
DONE! Make sure Verizon Wireless is fixed
DONE! Get the garage cleaned up
DONE! Put together cookie tins
DONE! Put together the bassinet
Friday, October 15, 2010
Dream of my heart
Recently I was asked a very thought provoking but simple question...What is the dream of your heart? Of course, a couple came to mind right off the bat, but one of them truly surprised me. My heart longs to homeschool my children. Despite doubts about my own abilities and the logistics of how it will all go, the desire is there and it's authentic. I believe that God gave us these children for more than just to teach them to tie their shoes, exhibit proper table manners and then send them out the door at age 5 for someone else to deal with. He entrusted us with these precious blessings and a huge responsibility-one which I do not take lightly. Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend of mine that home schools her three boys. She very much encouraged me in this endeavor and plans to meet with me in the next week to reveal her home schooling strategies and curriculum. Already she's given me some great websites to check out and shown me that this is not such a lofty dream after all.
After reviewing a few of the resources, I decided to try out a couple of the activities with Henry today. I laughed out loud as he practiced dumping raw rotini from one jar to another and happily applauded as I witnessed him slipping plastic straws in a flower vase with great concentration. It's amazing how these simple things brought me so much joy...and confirmation.
Lord, I pray that if it is your will for me to home school our children, that you would work out the details...There are so many resources out there, it's overwhelming. Please direct my steps and show me where to turn for help. I pray that I would be able to teach these children practical and necessary life skills, the knowledge that they need to succeed in life but most importantly to follow you all the days of their lives. I want them to know that schooling is essential to walk through this life, but no amount of knowledge in the world can compare to the abundant life that comes from making Jesus Lord of their lives!
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