The Big Scare...

So we finally arrived at that big day we had been longing for since we found out I was with child. I counted down to this day for months. Matt said it was a girl. I thought it was a boy. Within seconds of the ultrasound, the tech announced that it was a boy. Tears filled my eyes automatically. I looked at Matt. He was staring at the screen--at our little boy. It's difficult to even describe that moment-all of the emotions and thoughts and feelings flooding into my mind and heart all at the same time.

The baby moves around a lot. He's a very active boy inside my stomach. Is he trying to get comfortable in there? Is he anxious to come out and meet the many people who have been praying for him?

Then we went to see the doctor-well, the nurse practitioner. My doctor was out of town the week of the ultrasound. Oh, how I wish she would have been here. Maybe things would have been different that day... The nurse practitioner talked through the appointment about all of the usual stuff, like I'm gaining too much weight, are there any problems, etc...nothing too groundbreaking. Then she says it. There was a slight "problem" with the ultrasound. It's fairly common, but the baby has a calcification on his heart. She rambled on with some other medical terms. "What does that mean?" I asked. "Well, it is what we call a soft indicator of down syndrome..." She went on but I had already checked out from the conversation. My mind reeled at the thought of having a baby with down syndrome. Immediately, I thought I would love the baby no matter what and God is in control... But, I was in complete and utter shock. The nurse said she would leave so Matt and I could talk. She wanted us to discuss whether we wanted to take a blood test to determine whether the baby has down syndrome. She left the room and we just stared at each other and uttered, "what do you want to do? I don't know, what do you want to do?" It was a very strange experience.

I took the test.

At one point in the waiting room, the lady who performed the ultrasound came out and sat next to me. She said, "You look terrible" and I told her that's how I felt. She paused for a second and then she did something so incredible. She looked me straight in the eye and said with unusual confidence, "Everything's going to be fine. I see this all the time. I've been in your shoes and I promise everything's going to be ok." She hugged me, questions still spinning around in my head--Did she mean the baby doesn't have down? Did she see something that maybe the doctors didn't? Did she mean that her baby had the same calcification issue and he came out fine? I didn't ask anything. I just hugged her, cried and said thank you.

They didn't give me the results for 4 days. There was a whole range of emotions. Fear, then calm, despair, hope, then joy. I've never asked so many people for prayer. I asked people who I know don't even pray if they would pray for my unborn child and I think they did.

God answered with His calming peace that transcends all understanding. Although, we didn't know during Thanksgiving, we still rejoiced, knowing that God is in control and no matter what everything would be ok.

When the nurse called to give us the good news, I felt I already knew the answer. At least, I wasn't surprised or maybe it was that I had peace about the whole situation. Whatever, it was, I'm so thankful.

God, you are a great God! I don't know why things happen the way they do. I don't think I want to know. You are in control and I would rather trust you and know nothing than have all the answers in the world. I give you my life and my heart. I love you Lord above all else. You are a gracious god. You are faithful. I love you and I will tell you always. Forgive me for times when I did not trust you. I want to always put my trust in you. Words are not enough to describe your majesty.