The Big Scare...

So we finally arrived at that big day we had been longing for since we found out I was with child. I counted down to this day for months. Matt said it was a girl. I thought it was a boy. Within seconds of the ultrasound, the tech announced that it was a boy. Tears filled my eyes automatically. I looked at Matt. He was staring at the screen--at our little boy. It's difficult to even describe that moment-all of the emotions and thoughts and feelings flooding into my mind and heart all at the same time.

The baby moves around a lot. He's a very active boy inside my stomach. Is he trying to get comfortable in there? Is he anxious to come out and meet the many people who have been praying for him?

Then we went to see the doctor-well, the nurse practitioner. My doctor was out of town the week of the ultrasound. Oh, how I wish she would have been here. Maybe things would have been different that day... The nurse practitioner talked through the appointment about all of the usual stuff, like I'm gaining too much weight, are there any problems, etc...nothing too groundbreaking. Then she says it. There was a slight "problem" with the ultrasound. It's fairly common, but the baby has a calcification on his heart. She rambled on with some other medical terms. "What does that mean?" I asked. "Well, it is what we call a soft indicator of down syndrome..." She went on but I had already checked out from the conversation. My mind reeled at the thought of having a baby with down syndrome. Immediately, I thought I would love the baby no matter what and God is in control... But, I was in complete and utter shock. The nurse said she would leave so Matt and I could talk. She wanted us to discuss whether we wanted to take a blood test to determine whether the baby has down syndrome. She left the room and we just stared at each other and uttered, "what do you want to do? I don't know, what do you want to do?" It was a very strange experience.

I took the test.

At one point in the waiting room, the lady who performed the ultrasound came out and sat next to me. She said, "You look terrible" and I told her that's how I felt. She paused for a second and then she did something so incredible. She looked me straight in the eye and said with unusual confidence, "Everything's going to be fine. I see this all the time. I've been in your shoes and I promise everything's going to be ok." She hugged me, questions still spinning around in my head--Did she mean the baby doesn't have down? Did she see something that maybe the doctors didn't? Did she mean that her baby had the same calcification issue and he came out fine? I didn't ask anything. I just hugged her, cried and said thank you.

They didn't give me the results for 4 days. There was a whole range of emotions. Fear, then calm, despair, hope, then joy. I've never asked so many people for prayer. I asked people who I know don't even pray if they would pray for my unborn child and I think they did.

God answered with His calming peace that transcends all understanding. Although, we didn't know during Thanksgiving, we still rejoiced, knowing that God is in control and no matter what everything would be ok.

When the nurse called to give us the good news, I felt I already knew the answer. At least, I wasn't surprised or maybe it was that I had peace about the whole situation. Whatever, it was, I'm so thankful.

God, you are a great God! I don't know why things happen the way they do. I don't think I want to know. You are in control and I would rather trust you and know nothing than have all the answers in the world. I give you my life and my heart. I love you Lord above all else. You are a gracious god. You are faithful. I love you and I will tell you always. Forgive me for times when I did not trust you. I want to always put my trust in you. Words are not enough to describe your majesty.

Order My Steps

Lord, help me to manage my time wisely. I feel so overwhelmed lately with all of the extra-curriculer activities. Maybe it's just my frame of mind. Yes, I've been slightly negative. It's upsetting to me when there's something planned each evening. Lately, I've been involved in children's choir rehearsal, small group, worship rehearsal and just the regular events of daily living (not to mention preparing for the baby to arrive). Plus there's been extra stuff like the jewelry party, overflow night at church, and dinner invitations left and right. You know everything that's going on and you also know true intentions of my heart. Am I being selfish just wanting all the time to myself? I realize that it is important to rest but it's also vitally important to be in relationships.



In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.



God, you are the leader of my life. Please guide me into what is important for each day. Let my will be in line with yours. Help me to make good decisions for me and the baby but at the same time help me to be a servant to others and not myself. Don't allow the daily grind to overwhelm me for you have overcome the world. He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world. Lord, please break the bonds of routine and wipe out my expectations. I want to depend on you, Holy Spirit, to guide each step.

Matt's First Encounter...

This was a great weekend. Friday was the rehearsal for Bridget's wedding. We were on time, Brian was there. The rehearsal went well.
Saturday was the wedding. Bob and Bonnie stopped by in the morning and we all took a trip to Costco for some essentials. Why are the essentials so expensive?
Then came the wedding. The music went just fine. I don't know why I was worried. I've done this a million times.
Mom and Dad spent the night. The scary thing is, they got home later than us! I'm officially getting old. After church the next day, we all went to breakfast at Bub's cafe. I love that place! Mom wouldn't let me get the biscuits and gravy and bacon, so I got pancakes and split a veggie omlet with her. It was delicious and we all left stuffed to the brim.
When Mom and Dad left, I caught a nap and then started on some of the baby stuff I've been meaning to do for three months. We officially have too much crap. I just don't know what we're going to do with everything once the baby arrives and we start acquiring toys... I definitely have too many clothes, books, craft things, musical instruments... I can't believe that we've already outgrown this house. The bottom line is we just need to give some things away!
When I finally sat down after rearranging closets, folding laundry and pulling together a few bags for goodwill, I was beat. I sat on the couch with a beautiful salad and just as I took my first bite, I got one big jab in my right side. I yelled for Matt to come over. I just knew he would be able to feel it if I could get another hard kick like that last one. He put his palm to my stomach and then it happened...the hardest kick this baby has mustered up yet. Matt looked at me wide eyed and I stared back at him with tear filled eyes. FINALLY!! I've been waiting for him to be able to experience this miracle in a more real way! And I'm only 18 weeks. Thanks God!

Two more weeks til we find out if it's a boy or a girl...

Random thoughts...

So many things are on my mind today...

Kathy and I are moving up to the front of the G building. Honestly, I'm not excited. I know she is because she is getting a bigger, better office with bigger, better furniture and not to mention a whole wall of windows. I'm excited for her. I really am. She deserves it. She's worked very hard and has absorbed three new departments which nearly doubled our size. She's a fair boss...always in a good mood...I like her a lot. But I've made friends where I am. I'm comfortable where I am. I'm liked where I am. Nevertheless, I'm moving. So this week, while Kathy's on vacation I'm packing her office up. I better get started soon.

Another thing that is on my mind is singing. This weekend is the last scheduled wedding of the year. Bridget and Randy's wedding. I've talked with Bridget a few times and I think everything's worked out, but I'm still a little nervous. Brian is playing keys for me and we are doing two short songs. No problem. I can handle this. Lord, please help me.

In two weeks, I'm hosting another jewelry party for Kate. I'm not getting a good response. It doesn't seem like people are willing or even interested in spending money on jewelry right now. With the economy the way it is and the holidays coming up, I can understand. Lord, please send me some people that want to buy jewelry. Please send me some people that will come to the party...for Kate's sake and for Holly's sake.

The last and heaviest thing weighing on my mind is the baby. So many questions... Is it a healthy baby? Is everything developing as it should? Am I eating right-is the baby getting the right nutrition? Is it a boy or a girl? Will I get everything done that I have planned? When should we start taking all the classes that are offered to us through the hospital? Will everything fall into place at work? Will I be able to continue singing at church? What do we do with this baby once we get it home? What do babies even do? I know some of these questions are just silly, but they are still there. God, I trust you. I believe that you work everything out for the good of those who love you. Those whom you have called according to your purpose. Please direct our steps and protect the baby. I pray for health and safety. I pray for a covering of your love and grace.
I love you, Lord. Thank you for all you do and for who you are.

Press On Toward the Goal

Surpassed by many in beauty, intelligence, and ability
Even in my greatest strength, far outdone
Some may argue, why even continue?
Isn’t there some other route where I can reach those heights?
This path seems too daunting
Ahead of me, an intimidating man scales a towering wall with little effort
Over his shoulder he yells out mockingly, “You'll never make it. Give up and turn back. There's a trampled road on lower ground.”
My heart wrenched in my chest. My head fallen, I collapsed to the ground.
I’ll just wait here until…
Maybe someone will come to my aid
Time passed quickly and I considered my options…
Does it really even matter if I persist?
Who will notice if I don’t?
Even if I do make it a bit further, there are those I’ll never overtake
Besides, I’m so far behind now…

The Potter finished His work. “It is lovely. I will love and cherish this piece I've created. I've made it useful for many things and will use it often. Sure, I have fashioned many others, but this one is unique.”